My daughter has always been "the perfect child". And I'm afraid my telling her so may have set up a fear of failure for her. She is a very intelligent child but she makes horrible grades. I keep telling her how important good grades are for her future and she says that she gets it. In fact, she has an opportunity to go to Peru in June with the Girl Scouts, but it's contingent on her having a 3.0 GPA. She really wants to go and I see her trying, yet when she misses a day of school, it seems almost impossible for her to make up the work that she's missed. I see her trying, yet half of her grades are D's from work not turned in. It seems to me that maybe she just is not trying so hard so that when she has to hear the bad news that she can't go to Peru, she can say "well, I didn't really want to go that badly anyway". Thanks in advance for your feedback. She's almost 15 -- 9th grade. Daniel. She's the light of my life. I genuinely enjoy her company. And she lights up everyones room just by entering it. I can't help but smile when she's around. Thanks.
Psychology - 8 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Zig Ziglar has some motivation to share as do many athletes as Michael Jordan (I failed more times than I succeeded, that is why I'm a winner), Wayne Gretsky (100% of the shots not taken miss), Helen Keller (failure is a sign to keep on trying). You can grab their books for free from the library... try discussing it with her. Nothing ventured nothing gained. You can also pick up 7 habit of highly effective people... create a mission statement with her to help her focus. Failure is not failure if you learned something. Best of luck to you!
2 :
geez thats rough. myself i've always been a perfectionist, and as such, a procrastinator. also had trouble making up work after missing class. how old is the child? i'm giong to guess 6th 7th or 8th grade. here is what i propose, tell her of course as you have been, that good grades are important, and as such, taht you wnat to spend quality time with her helping her with her homework, so that she can get thsoe grades up. when i was that age, my mother was perfectly devoted to my academic life, and to be honest, i never woudl have got better than Cs if she hadnt. that is the hardest time, academically, because at that time, your brain is growing and youre in adolescence. its a crazy time, when shes a little older you wont have to help her. but i think you shoudl now.
3 :
I don't think that it's fear for the reasons that you believe it is... I believe that by failing, a child learns to muscle their way out from under the heavy expectations of a doting parent, and find out for themselves exactly how academically perfect they want to be as opposed to how much "less than perfect." you are willing to tolerate. . My oldest is a genius. He had a 160 I.Q. from an abnormally young age. I pushed and prodded and voiced my expectations, I showed him off like a show pony and pleaded and punished and cursed and swore when he slipped down past what were, MY expectations of his intelligence. In the process, I lost him for a little while... I didn't see why either... It was hard lesson to learn for me but Pride indeed does come before every fall... He... sat ME... down one day and using the voice I gave him, (but tried to silence, at the very same time whenever it was convienient to me.) he asked me; "Would you would love me as much if I got all B's instead of all A's?" It damn near broke my heart to see that he had been feeling that way for so long before actually coming out and asking me. I think THAT... Is where the fear lies. Not in a fear of failure. Children learn from their failures just as much if not more than they do from their achievements. Think about it... You know I am right! I don't pressure him anymore and although he is no longer on the Deans list and getting accomidations from the President... He is much, MUCH happier... and that, is worth the world to me.
4 :
Oh Comet...what you need to do is boost her confidence and ask her about the school work that interests her and what she dislikes. Don't argue with her, try to listen to her and talk to her about everything that is on her mind. I'm pretty sure your relationship with her allows this, I imagine you as a great parent. I worked with teenage girls back in my town and most of the time they are getting distracted by boys, hormones or because they don't see that what they do or don't has consequences until reality hits and heart break sets in. I used to talk to most of my students when their grades started dropping and most of the time it was because of trouble at home or because boys were starting to appear in the picture. If Peru is important to her, let her know in advance what the requirements for the trip are and that you are willing to help her in any way you can to reach this goal, but she has to be willing to go the extra mile even if she has to sacrifice something (like her time, hanging out with friends, talking on the phone, etc.) As soon as you see improvement of some kind, make sure she knows you are aware. Teenagers are going through a lot while growing up...all those changes happening all at once are sometimes just too much, but with patience and by avoiding confrontation you are sure to succeed. Good luck...Hang in there.
5 :
There is a very very very simple answer- love; spend more time together, and smile everytime you see her.
6 :
Wow. She just might be my female version. So far, no one has found a way to get my ass to working, so I only can wish you a good luck with that.
7 :
I think she could use some help with organization. The worst thing that can happen to any student is to get behind. Once behind, it feels like there is no way to ever be on top of things again. This in itself may be the cause of a lot of her discouragement. Being behind feels like being down a well. Kids are rarely taught how to organize themselves in the school system. In the Early Years, there are places in the classroom to hand in every type of paper product work going. Once a kid hits Middle Years, this changes. Students are expected to be more responsible and accountable and organized, but we have not really taught them how to do that! Know what her assignments are. Get a homework notebook, or dayplanner with an appropriate amount of room for writing down details. Be sure that you teach her to include the stuff (like texts, etc) that she needs for each assignment. Make a large calendar for her home school work space. Post assignments on this calendar every single time! Look at her notebooks and see how she takes notes and places her materials. If she uses scribblers or duotangs, assignments are really easy to lose as they are not attached to anything. Binders with dividers and the zip-up edges tend to 'retain' more information. At Wal-Mart they have these clear coloured plastic envelopes... they are the size of a standard sheet of paper.These are great for handing in assignments. Keeps everything clean. If you have to move from one organization system to another, have her bring home EVERYTHING so you can gauge the appropriate sizes that she needs. Now... My apologies for the long post... especially if your daughter has none of the troubles that I've gone on about. I have a bit more! (Sorry!) One thing that I do in my classroom for those afraid to try is "set them up for success." For some kids this just boils down to PROVING to them that they CAN do the work. How to do this? Teaching them what works for THEM in organizing is usually my first step. I acknowledge EVERY success, no matter how seemingly small. Discouragement is met with encouragement, tasks are broken down into smaller steps (I teach them how to prioritize so they can do so for themselves), and everybody uses graphic organizers like the calendar and dayplanner that I mentioned. It has yet not to work. We just tweak it so it fits the students needs... Best Wishes... hope some of my babble made sense! :) PS-> I forgot a bit... colour code by subject... and I check in EVERYDAY with my students to see how things are working for them... at least at the start. After that, they rise to meet expectations pretty quickly.
8 :
Yes, your daughter seems to be afraid of her future and the expectations she feels is coming from her parents or peers or both!! Maybe you have put too much pressure on her to succeed. Let her know that you love regardless of her "potential" and cut her some slack as far as her life choices go. It's Her Life not yours. She just needs more confidence in herself but maybe she heard how Much She Could Accomplish and it resulted in stress and fear of the future. Back off for awhile Mom and let her know that her life belongs to her, not to you!! Too Much Pressure!! I know you love her and want her to have the best life she can make for herself, but Herself is the point you need to understand. Let her make her own choices and plan her Own life. It will make you happier in the long run if you can stop asking more out of her than she is able and willing to give right now. If that doesn't work, or you can't get off her back, she needs counseling but it will revolve around exactly the point I am trying to make here. Good Luck!! We All Deserve to Live Our Own Lives As Individuals!! @8-]
